Bereavement; need advice on how to cope.?
I’ve enjoyed asking and answering a lot of light hearted ‘just good fun’ questions on here over the last few months; I’ve also asked and answered some more serious ones. Here’s the most heart felt, sincere, most difficult one I’ve posted so far.
I’m loosing my best friend and my coping mechanisms haven’t kicked in. My friends poor, distraught dad told me on Saturday that she’s only got a couple of days left to live, her battle with her Cancer is coming to an end. She’s sedated and calm in hospital and understandably isn’t allowed visitors, apart form her family of course; I’m expecting the call anytime now to say she’s gone. Her family have asked me to say some words for her at her funeral; it is going to be an honor to do this for her and for her family. I want to support her lovely family and need some strength myself to be able to do this in the way I’d like. I miss her already, it doesn’t seem real. Wondered if any invisable ‘ciber pen pals’ out there might beable to help.
You have no idea how much you’ve all helped; so many thanks. To Zapgaia; I’m going to use your verse as part of my words for my friend at her funeral, I’ll be strong for her family. Thank you.
My friends dad called me half an hour ago with the sad news that my beautiful friend passed away at lunch time today. All I want to say to everyone reading this; is never waste a moment with your friends, always tell them how much you love them, never leave anything unsaid. My friend and I knew how we felt about each other; that is a comfort.
Bereavement, how do I tell my son?…?
My son is 6 years old, and in his young mind, has already had a few “deaths”. Our dog died prematurely of a heart problem, our rabbits died, because next doors ferret got them (he doesn’t know that bit), our fish died after a 4 day power cut removed their filter and heat.
He seems to think everything dies, and his grandfather on my husband’s side died before he was born, but we have paintings and photos of him, so he knows he died and asks about it, to which I reply briefly, hoping not to scar him for live.
Today, suddenly, my father died, and despite being on warfarin, this was out of the blue, at his job. I am devastated.
My son loved him – how do I tell him? Please help me?
CRUISE BEREAVEMENT SERVICE say i am too upset for counselling. please help?
I lost my daughter a while ago to cancer and i just cant cope! I feel every day is such a struggle to do anything. I dont go out anymore, i dont answer my door or phone and my heart just aches for my daughter. I cant cope with the fact that she has died and when my gp referred me to cruise they came round to assess me and said i was too upset for counselling and when i get myself sorted give them a ring and they will come back and reassess. I hurt every day for her, i cry all the time, i dont know what to do with myself. i just want my daughter and no one else. why did she have to leave me? my ex husband is being a right nasty evil git and the things he has done to me are unbelievable and unforgiveable too. please please can someone tell me what i can do? i am taking antidepressants and they dont seem to work. Every day i just wake up and want her back and nothing else matters. i have even started to think about taking my own life to see if that takes me to her, who can help?
i really dont know how i can be too upset for counselling when that is what they are there for. I have absolutely no confidence in ringing people or approaching them myself. in fact i am struggling to do this but i have a good friend sitting next to me pushing me. she has tried to get help but they say i have to ask for it. i just want my daughter back and i know in the real world i cant but i dont know what to do anymore.
bereavement /losin parents?
Having lost both my parents over the last 3 years i need to ask this question-I am not after sympathy i just need to know if anyone else feels the same.I sat and watched both parents die and was devastated when they died,but even now sometimes i feel like i have not excepted this.When i look at my mums photo,who died 14 months ago its like i want to push to the back of my mind,or i couldnt cope with it.My dads photo is the same,with dad died earlier by 12 months.i feel comfort from him but still feel like i havent excepted all thats happened.even just writing this has me in tears.Its not like i am a young person i am in my 50s
bereavement ( should I stop beating myself up)?
My mother died two weeks ago
five weeks before I’d told her I didn’t wont any more contact, she had always been very selfish of her own emotional needs.
thinking rationally I feel ok’ish , she always made me feel guilty its how she controlled me.
So its like she dug this deep well of guilt into me , and that’s what i’m connecting with.
I don’t seem to have a good memory of her, she was not really compassionate to others around her, she had had a terrible child hood,and i’m not trying to make excuses for her, and wont.
I had for most of my life been her emotional support , I had no choice in that, In the end I had found a voice and had said no more, she would have pulled me down with her.
she was very toxic .
Like I have said I feel rational ,I’m relieved I no longer have to do it any more.
I don’t want to deny the process of grieving , I didn’t like the women, but she was my mother.
Is it that I feel ok with her dying , I had given up on having a better relationship with her, feel thats not really true , there wasn’t really any room for me in our relationship
Is the guilt because I don’t mind her going , the loss of it being different between us .
what do you all think ?
Can any one tell me if they is a good web site were i can talk about bereavement?
how does anyone feel about bereavement support?
bereavement benefits etc?
URGENT UK BENEFITS ONLY
single parent dies 44, leaving teenage minor, previously on IB & DLA are there any bereavements that can be paid for help with funeral etc.(no savings)
most are only payable if there is a partner which is so out of date!!! please help
have you had a husband that changed their personality following bereavement ?
My husband lost his father (terminal illness) in March 2008. We knew for 3 yrs that he was terminal and that it could be any time. I know this does not make it any easier, and there is no right way to grieve as each person copes differently and you cant judge people. But before his fathers death our marrige was fun, and we were close (he is a quiet person anyway but we were like peas in a pod ) and our sex life was great. Its now 17 months on and our marriage strained and on the rocks and we have become just friends. I have been patient, waited but he has been moody, given up all the hobbies he loved ie mountain biking, and I have not nagged at all, just tried to encourage him to get back to what he loves. But he is more shut off, when the kids are not around he is quiet with me and does not recognise how moody he has been. Our sex life is vertually non existant. I took him away for a weekend just us, and he rejected me. Does bereavement cause such a change in a marriage ? At my families party in May he got drunk and flirted with someone, and was an idiot. I had been in hospital with jaundice due to gall stones for 3 months prior to this party and I felt so hurt that he did this. He has apologised since but my friends think he has been in denial re bereavement and went off the rails . I am a nurse and think he has had mild depression, but he will not listen. He is an only child so it is difficult for him, but surely now is the time to give something back to our marriage ? He does not recognise how he is with others even his friends have noticed and said how quiet and distant he is. What do I do, as I have lost my husband and he is a stranger to me. I have tried everything, even given him space and that has made no difference. He has not mentioned his dad at all and he does not see he has changed. His mother has suggested he goes to the Gp but he is not that depressed that he needs this just is stubborn and pig headed and will not take advise from others.Help ps sorry about long story.
How do others deal with bereavement?
My Gran died recently and I’m going to the funeral tomorrow. The problem is I’m not exactly speaking to my mum whose mum it was that died. We had a huge argument 2 months ago and haven’t spoken since. I’m not sure how I feel towards her. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my Gran but I don’t think it’s properly sank in yet. Should I maybe talk to a bereavement councillor?
Thing is, my Dad died 8 years ago and I guess I blame her for getting divorced and moving me miles away from him. I was only 11 at the time, new school, no friends and no self-esteem. Now I’m 28 and on meds for depression. It’s hard to make sense of things sometimes, when you’re already feeling rotten.
