Bereavement; need advice on how to cope.?
I’ve enjoyed asking and answering a lot of light hearted ‘just good fun’ questions on here over the last few months; I’ve also asked and answered some more serious ones. Here’s the most heart felt, sincere, most difficult one I’ve posted so far.
I’m loosing my best friend and my coping mechanisms haven’t kicked in. My friends poor, distraught dad told me on Saturday that she’s only got a couple of days left to live, her battle with her Cancer is coming to an end. She’s sedated and calm in hospital and understandably isn’t allowed visitors, apart form her family of course; I’m expecting the call anytime now to say she’s gone. Her family have asked me to say some words for her at her funeral; it is going to be an honor to do this for her and for her family. I want to support her lovely family and need some strength myself to be able to do this in the way I’d like. I miss her already, it doesn’t seem real. Wondered if any invisable ‘ciber pen pals’ out there might beable to help.
You have no idea how much you’ve all helped; so many thanks. To Zapgaia; I’m going to use your verse as part of my words for my friend at her funeral, I’ll be strong for her family. Thank you.
My friends dad called me half an hour ago with the sad news that my beautiful friend passed away at lunch time today. All I want to say to everyone reading this; is never waste a moment with your friends, always tell them how much you love them, never leave anything unsaid. My friend and I knew how we felt about each other; that is a comfort.
The only help I have is to share that I’m deeply choked up at your situation and so sorry for the loss of your friend’s life.
My greatest condolences to you, her family, her friends.
That’s very hard to deal with …think of the person she was before the pain in the end ..this will help you cope think of what she brought into your life and what you would of missed out on if it wasn’t for her. I hope this helps .
There is no right or wrong way to cope with bereavement.You have just got to remember all the good times you shared and be happy that you were friends and you knew her.I hope everything works out OK for you and my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
depending on your faith.I would pray for strength and remember all the good times and happy memories.I lost my daugther when she was 27yrs old.A day doesn’t go by without me thinking and missing her sure the tears come but so do the good memories.My thoughts and prayers are with you.
its really hard when someone you love is dying,my dad dies of cancer 10yrs ago dont get me wrong you have your good days and bad,just try to remember her before she got ill,try and spend as much time with her,you must tell yourself when shes gone that she is better off where she is instead of suffering here.good luck and take care all my love goes out to you xxxx chin up
I really am truly sorry to hear this – I feel so, so, sad for your friend, you and her family. All I can say to you is to focus on the good times that you had together – the love, laughter and friendship you shared – remember the light that she brought to your life and that you brought to hers. She will always be in your heart and you will always remember the special times that you have shared together. She loved you so much and let that fact bring comfort to you. She will never be forgotten, and will always live on in the hearts and minds of the people that loved her. Thinking of you xx
I’m sorry that your going to be dealing with a loss. You should think of maybe making a book of all your good memories together.
There are also numerous books out there for grieving people. They helped me greatly, especially a certain book in particular- it was a small book… I cannot think of the name of it. It was something along the lines of- Death…. How to Deal.
It was a mini book, and had a few words on each page, but they were very encouraging and helped the healing process.
Good Luck, and Once Again, I’m Sorry….
I’m really sorry for you, losing your best friend will be hard. My best friend found out she had breast cancer when I was pregnant with my first child (she was only 31 at the time) and she was too scared to tell me because she didn’t want to upset me, but I dragged it out of her. I was lucky, she made a full recovery but I can remember how I felt thinking that I’d never see her again. I know that the hospital are saying that she can’t have visitors other than family, but maybe you could speak to her family and ask if you can visit her, you are obviously very close if they want you to speak at her funeral.
Its always hard when you lose someone close, be they family or friends, but try to remember the good times you had together and think what she would want. I can’t offer you anything other than my best wishes and for you to know that my thoughts are with you.
i recently lost my dad to cancer and i know wot ur goin thro, i also lost my sister in law the year before. it is very hard im not going to lie to you, always remember the good times. im glad you arnt goin to the hospital as it isnt nice to see the loved one in the way that they are. ur friend will be free of pain now and hopefully in a better place. do your friend proud and remember she will be looking down on you. time does heal the pain but you will never forget. im so sorry for you and hope you will be fine.
It’s always hard to lose someone you love,the feelings are so overwhelming you just feel numb at the start you don’t know what to do or who to turn to.I am so sorry you are losing your friend Rebecca, I wish there was something I could do or say to make it easier for you but I don’t have the words.
This is a poem that was read at the funeral of a friend of mine a few years back now which moved me a great deal.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
Be strong for her family.
I’m so sorry about your friend and you must be going through a terrible time, if you have faith then prayer will certainly help. Apart from this all i can say is that some days will be hard and some days will be ok especially when the memories come flooding back. Just remember your friend will be in heaven watching over you. If you realise it’s too much then may be get some counselling and talk to friends and give your self time to grieve.
Time is the great healer. We were a very close knit family, as each of my parents died we were all devastated. I realisedthat we were getting over it when we began talking and laughing about the silly things that our parents had done. The pain fades after a while, but not the memories !